REWIND.

Saturday, November 26, 2011 @9:25 PM

back again to write another post.

my period is still not here!!! gosh.. it's been like 10 days late already!!!

and i'm leaving for taiwan in like.. what 3 days?! gosh!!!

well.. went for a morning run with my parents and after that we went to have breakfast.

i hope this will become a regular routine that we can stick to.

then everyone will be so healthy and strong! haha!!

so i saw someone very unexpected.. and he was with a girl. and i think i know who she was.

oh wells. i thought i would feel.. something but all i thought was wow.

i got cheated yet again. being lied to again.

i'm forever being lied to again and again. whether it's from the same person or not.

and you know how intolerant i am towards these people. so therefore i am not angry at him but rather angry at myself for even having the thought of believing that it was real.

oh well. i am forever alone. so.. i've gotten used to it

now i am just being thankful for everything that i have now and not be so picky about life.

i am thankful for my family, for providing me with not only shelter and food, but also everything that i need.

also thankful to all my friends who have been there when i needed them. really. without you guys i wouldnt have been able to survive this school year.

i am also thankful that i am healthy and not sick, though i have an injury but it's kind of dormant.

so i shouldnt be brooding over such petty little things but rather move on yeah.

i still feel very out of place. very empty inside.. i dunno how to kick away this feeling.

i do miss my old place. really do. i dunno maybe it's because of that..? i'm not too sure.

sigh... i dunno what else to do now..

nothing seems to interest me anymore.

people...? nahh..

shall take a nap now.

Thursday, November 24, 2011 @6:16 AM

i have to rant. I HAVE TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
so school term is finally fucking over!!!
time for celebration.
i feel so liberated from whatever sai that's been going on.
it's been a rough year for me. and i believe for everyone that i know too.
takes time for me to adjust to this. shithole.

i hope that next year it'll be better.

so my life so far has been...
i dont know.

ever since like after i got my results.. everything seem to just pass me by like this
and i've been just living my life as it is.
i really dont know how i feel or what i'm thinking about.
i think there's a void in my soul or something that keeps getting bigger and bigger.
and i'm becoming not myself lately.
sigh i really dunno what's going on with me! WHY

so the people in MJ.
i seriously have so much to say
as you can tell i'm from a neighbourhood school. and in MJ it's mostly people from better schools like AHS, temasek, VS... just to name a few. and they have their own school clique you see. and my clique... is just me.. and jess. and what more we're from different classes.

i feel so annoyed and so left out. is like
i'm never like this in secondary. like seriously what the fuck man.
i bet people from my school can never imagine me just walking alone in school with the music plugged in, drinking a packet of.. whatever.
seriously that's me everyday in MJ
and it's not like i dont make an effort to make friends
it's that these people are just.. how to say.
different from my world. you know?

somehow i just feel so conscious about the people around me. like they're very judgmental or something even if they aren't.

BUT SERIOUSLY dunno what the fuck is wrong with me

okay so less about me and more about the people around me

i kind of know what kind of friends that i most likely will stick to.
and it's not due to common interests. CCA. racial background. family background. blablabla
it's not that. but rather character. personality. yeah.
so when i first meet these people.
yeah they were nice.. i thought they were you know my type of friends. or maybe better than i expected. but somehow i just dont feel connected.

debs asked me once, if i had something bothering me real real real badly and i cannot hold it in any longer. who will i turn to in school.
and i straight away answered, without thought.

nobody.

but if i do see jess. i'll just rant to her. OH and now me and hwee min quite close ah! so i think i can gossip to her too. HAHA which i did. since she asked. xD

but really. i just dont feel like i can trust them.. or rather. rely on them cause like. they dont really give a flying two fucks about me. as they have their own fucking business. and they are more of a couple.. so like whatever you know. these kind of people. seriously dont get too attached to them. they just find you when their partner ignores them... or. whatever reason.
whatever. dont need to have these kind of bullshit in my life. you have a boyfriend/girlfriend. your fucking problem. you lose them then you find your friends. seriously..?
call yourself a friend. nigga please. i rather not befriend you.

thank god i have my group of friends. even though they have boyfriends. at least they dont act like you. they know how to BALANCE. you heard of that word before? yah. you should adopt that.

i really had enough already. huh.
seriously you think you can treat me like this.? kena thrown aside.?
i seriously held it ALLL in. tried to digest it and shit it out.
but sorry i bear grudges.

i still remember once you said i was desperate and that was before you had a girlfriend.
seriously.? me desperate.? more like you go flirt with any girl and ask them to be your girlfriend. and tada you got attached! congrats, gave you my blessing. THEN still want to suan me for what. FUCK YOU. just cause i happen to know stuff does not mean i actually DO those things right. seriously. FUCKING NARROW MINDED. grow up. you act so different with your girlfriend around. yeah sure you are very sweet. nice and gentlemanly. BUT PLEASE can you not PDA in front of me. seriously fuck off.

okay i sound like i'm jealous. but i am freaking not. i'm not fucking jealous of this kind of douchebag and i had enough of playing nice. and letting him insult me like that. you damn fucking lucky i did not pursue the matter. and again i bring this to my grave.

if you ever find my blog. HAHA congrats.
not like you're gonna do anything about it right. cause you're so happily in love..
blabla what the fuck. so young only.

wah then have another one. like seriously. rant rant rant rant about this girl. huh
say bad things about her. then tell me not to say anything. and so i did. i mean. seriously who can i tell? not like i'm fucking close to anyone. fuck. buuttttt recently i realised that YOU yourself told somebody else your story. WHOAAAA pity party? why arent i invited.

then everytime she ignores you. you throw a bitch fit. and try to find a replacement. whether it's me... or some other girl. available to your pity cries. seriously ICANNOT FUCKING TAKE IT ANYMORE. you're full of bullshit. if you like her just tell her and end your misery.

i warned you that i do not wanna be nice anymore

i honestly have never felt so unwanted before. i dont belong anywhere. whether it's CCA... or wherever.. i mean.. am i that unlikeable?! seriously?! okay la.. i mean i may be bitchy and twofaced. and fake and whatever. but if you treat me good it's not like i'm gonna bitch slap you right.
so yeah i do not have friends in JC. har har. laugh all you want haters. wish you burn in hell